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A Wallaby and a teabag? Question: What’s the difference between a Wallaby and a teabag? Answer: A teabag stays in the cup longer! Back to TopChildrens Names
A Welsh rugby legend is living in his house with his three children. Static Ruck
Kindergarten Support Before the Rugby World Cup Quarter-Final between England and Australia, kindergarten teacher Bronwyn tells her class she’s a BIG Wallabies fan. She’s really excited about the upcoming match and asks the kids if they’ll be supporting the Wallabies too. Everyone wants to impress the teacher, so they all say they will, except for one boy named Charles. The teacher looks surprised at Charles and says, “Charles…you WON’T be supporting the Wallabies?” He says, “No way, I’m a huge England fan!” She says, “Why do you support England and not Austrlia?” Charles says, “My mum is English, and so is my dad, so I support England.” The teacher’s not very happy with that explanation…..and she gets a little annoyed with young Charles. She says, “Well, if your mums an idiot, and your dads an idiot, then what would you be?!” Charles says, “Well, then I’d support Australia.” Back to TopSponsored Walk Ex England rugby player Brian Moore decided to take part in a charity walk along Offas Dyke starting near the old Severn Bridge near Chepstow. Brian set off on the walk heading north but almost immediately started limping to his right side. Now ,being a gritty sort of chap he kept going but the discomfort got worse and worse with every step.He was forced to visit the medical tent and was seen by an old Welsh doctor. Brian told the doctor about the problem and the old man gave Brian a thorough examination . At the end of this, uncharacteristically Brian asked " Come on doc, what is wrong? I was alright before I started." The wily old Welshman replied- " 'Lead' is the answer. LEAD. You need at least the same amount of lead as your bodyweight, perhaps a little more and then carry that on your left shoulder.That , I am sure , will sort out your problem . " Brian snorted out a reply " 'LEAD !!! LEAD !!! You must be mad ! How will that work ! " He replied with contempt. The wise old doctor with a twinkle in his eye responded swiftly. " Its the only way I can see that you can fix a very unnatural bias towards England." Back to TopGreat distance, Poor aim!
England 19 - 26 Wales again!!
England 19 - 26 Wales
Lonely Spectator
Gregan arrested in 2007 World Cup
Irish see White The Irish rugby practice was delayed nearly two hours last week after a player reported finding an unknown white powdery substance on the practice field. Head coach Eddie O'Sullivan immediately suspended practice while police and federal investigators were called to investigate. After a complete analysis, investigating forensic experts determined that the white substance unknown to players was the try line. Practice was resumed after special agents decided the team was unlikely to encounter the substance again. Back to TopMiddle East Ladies XV
Be Afraid
All Blacks Bad Mental Preparation
Rugby Can Hurt "A Little"
Rugby Clubs Lost Property
The Johnny Wilkinson Injury Sweepstake
The New USA Circuit
The New Sydney Opera House
Wallibies Distraction
Nationality Change An Englishman wanted to become an Irishman, so he visited a doctor to find out how to go about this. "Well" said the doctor, "this is a very delicate operation and there is a lot that can go wrong. I will have to remove half your brain". "That's OK" said the Englishman. "I've always wanted to be Irish and I'm prepared to take the risk". The operation went ahead but the Englishman woke to find a look of horror on the face of the doctor. "I'm so terribly sorry!!" the doctor said. "Instead of removing half the brain, I've taken the whole brain out". The patient replied, "No worries, mate!!" Back to TopHow England almost won
Scottish and Welsh Postcards
Head-on Collision
Play Rugby, Give Blood
England Bonds
Why Rugby is so Educational
Sending-off Offence
England 2007 World Cup 2007 Selection "If Only"
Scientific Study of Rugby Players
How NOT to Tackle a Prop!
Australian Whine
Wet Conditions
Aussie Joke A rugby player from Cardiff is having a quiet drink in a Sydney Bar. He leans over to the big guy next to him and says, "Do you wanna hear an Aussie joke?". The big guy replies, "Well mate, before you tell that joke you should know something: I'm six feet tall, 105kgs and I'm a Wallaby forward. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 115kgs and he's an ex-Wallaby. Next to him is a bloke who's 6'5" weighs 120kgs and he's a current Wallaby second-rower. Now, do you still want to tell that Aussie joke?". The Welshman says, "Nah..... not if I'm going to have to explain it three times". Back to TopA Young George Bush
The Difference Between Soccer and Rugby
Lack Of Respect An Ireland International, well-known for his lack of respect towards referees, went up to one official and asked, 'What would you do if I called you a stupid sod?' 'What!' said the referee. 'Why I'd book you and send you off, of course!' 'Well, what would you do if I only thought you were a stupid sod?' 'Well,' said the referee doubtfully, 'if you only thought it, there's not a lot I could do.' 'In that case,' said the International, 'I think you're a stupid sod!' Back to TopPitch Invasion
Aussies A rugby player from Cardiff is having a quiet drink in a Sydney Bar. He leans over to the big guy next to him and says, "Do you wanna hear an Aussie joke?". The big guy replies, "Well mate, before you tell that joke you should know something: I'm six feet tall, 105kgs and I'm a Wallaby forward. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 115kgs and he's an ex-Wallaby. Next to him is a bloke who's 6'5" weighs 120kgs and he's a current Wallaby second-rower. Now, do you still want to tell that Aussie joke?". The Welshman says, "Nah..... not if I'm going to have to explain it three times". Back to TopCustody A seven year old boy was at the centre of a courtroom drama today. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge awarded custody to his aunt. The boy however confirmed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and refused to live there. When the judge suggested that he live with his grandparents the boy cried out that they beat him more than anyone. Then in an unprecedented move, the judge dramatically allowed the boy to choose who should have custody of him. In a final ruling yesterday, custody was granted to England Rugby Club as the boy firmly believes that they are not capable of beating anyone. Back to TopJeremy Guscott dies Jeremy Guscott dies when his car collides with a Sweet Chariot that was Swinging Low, just after the Wales v England match in 1999. He arrives at the pearly gates to be met by St Peter. "Jeremy, welcome to heaven," said Peter. "You have been allowed here because of your contribution to English rugby and the British Lions." "Thanks and all that," replied Jeremy. "But I am only coming in as long as there are no Welsh . After what they did to me today, I never want to see a Welshman again." "Don't Worry about that, there are no Welshmen here come on in..." The first few days were the best of Jerry's life, he had modelling contracts galore and he got to watch re-runs of all his tries on a massive cinema screen. He was happy. Until one day, he was walking back from the cinema when he saw a golden field, with two golden "H's". In the middle of the field was a man with flowing hair, golden boots and the scarlet red jersey of Wales. Every kick sent the golden rugby ball clean between the posts.Jerry hurried back to St Peter, fuming. "Look!! You promised me there were no Welshmen here! What is that over there!!!" "Oh that, don't worry, Jerry. That's God - he just thinks he's Welsh!" Back to TopScotlands defence There are only two man-made things that can be seen with the naked eye from space... The first one is the Great Wall of China, the other is the gap in the Scotland defence. ..Arf! Back to TopRugby Fans Bedroom
Rugby Shopping
Little Johnny Little Johnny was in his junior school class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up;- Fireman, policeman, salesman, politician; Johnny was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father. "My father's a ballet dancer and enjoys nothing more than a pirouette and a pas de deux” The teacher hurriedly set the other children to work on some colouring and then took Little Johnny aside. She asked him, "Is that really true about your father?" "No," said Johnny, "My father plays rugby for England, but I was just too embarrassed to say". Back to TopThe Haka
Ouch
Rugby doesn't have to hurt! Back to TopMr Fantastic
Does his leg bend like Mr Fantastic New Lions Strip Revealed
Divine Intervention
Don't waste your time Andy Mmm Tasty
Distraught English Fan Dai was on his way home from the England v Wales match at Twickenham when he had to screech to a halt and ended up in a massive traffic jam on the M4. He wound down the window and thought to himself, This seems bad, nothings moving at all. He noticed a police officer walking back and forth, in and out of all the cars, so Dai shouts over,Scuse me officer, whats going on then? The officer replies, an England fan,so depressed about losing to Wales today and the prospect of winning nothing again this year, he feels a right idiot for gobbing off saying England are the best team in the world, hes actually threatening to douse himself in petrol and set himself on fire!! The officer goes on - His family find him arrogant, and he hasn't got many mates. Im just walking around taking up a collection for him.Oh tidy says Dai, how much have you collected so far? So far, replies the officer, weve collected about 100 litres, but a lot of people are still siphoning!!! Back to TopEngland 18-25 Argentina
The New Scrum Machine
Paddy, Sean and Seamus Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Seamus, were stumbling home from the pub late one night after celebrating a great victory over England at Twickenham. They found themselves on the road which led past the oldgraveyard. "Come have a look over here," says Paddy, "It's Michael O'Grady's grave, God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87." "That's nothing," says Sean, "here's one named Patrick O'Toole, it says here that he was 95 when he died." Just then, Seamus yells out, "Good God, here's a fella that got to be 145!" "What was his name?" asks Paddy. Seamus stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a match to see what else is written on the stone marker and exclaims: "Miles, from Dublin." Back to TopThe Big Celtic Hug
Innocence
Tricky Penalty
Scrum For Your Life
A Good clean Game of Rugby
All Blacks Fan in Aus An Australian school teacher explains to her class that she is a Wallabies fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Wallabies fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says, "Janie, why didn't you raise your hand?" "Because I'm not a Wallabies fan," she replied. The teacher, still shocked, asked, "Well, if you are not a Wallabies fan, then who are you a fan of?" "I am an All Blacks fan, and proud of it," Janie replied. The teacher could not believe her ears. "Janie, why pray tell are you an All Blacks fan?" "Because my mum is an All Blacks fan, and my dad is an All Blacks fan, so I'm an All Blacks fan too!" "Well," said the teacher in an obviously annoyed tone, " that is no reason for you to be an All Blacks fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mom were a moron and your dad were a moron, what would you be then?" "Then," Janie smiled, "I'd be a Wallabies fan." Back to TopSupporters Scarf
Four Surgeons Four surgeons are taking a coffee break. The first one says, "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up everything inside them is numbered." The second surgeon says, "Nah, librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order." Third surgeon says, "Try electricians. Everything inside them is colour-coded." The fourth one says, "I prefer Scottish rugby players. They're heartless, spineless, gutless and their heads and bums are interchangeable." Back to TopDown Below Paddy, a fervent rugby supporter is on his way home from the local pub after the Triple Crown win when unfortunately he is killed in a road traffic accident. He gets up to the pearly gates where St. Peter looks him over and enquires of his name - ' Paddy Murphy .' St. Peter gets out his book and opens it under M for Murphy. Dear me Paddy, he says , it would seem you spent most of your money on beer, and to make matters worse when your mam advised you to get on the straight and narrow you turned that advice down. I'm afraid there's only one place you're going , pointing to the down escalator. So down Paddy goes, with a heavy heart looking at the flames of purgatory and listening to the cries of the damned. At the bottom there's a set of double doors which he pushes open and steps into a blinding light. When he gets his bearings he is overcome by disbelief and sheer joy when he realises he is in the Dublin Landsdown Road Stadium surrounded by tens of thousands of Irish Rugby supporters. At the other end of the stadium there is a huge television screen with the words "Next Repeat Performance starts in 4 minutes." He staggers to the nearest seat with tears on his cheeks saying Joy, Joy, Joy whereupon the chap sat next to him leans over - " Don't get carried away Paddy, we are in hell , it's for all eternity, but the real bad news is they've only got the one DVD and it's England winning the World Cup in 2003." Back to TopLate Tackle A reporter visited an International full-back in hospital the day after a big match. 'I understand you were the victim of a late tackle,' he said. 'You could call it a late tackle, I suppose,' said the full-back. 'He knocked me down in the bar after the game.' Back to TopRugby Club Car Park
All Blacks No.3 X-Ray
Big headed forwards!!
What do you call people who hang around with rugby players? Jeremy Guscott Dies Jeremy Guscott dies when his car collides with a Sweet Chariot that was Swinging Low, just after the Wales v England match in 1999. He arrives at the pearly gates to be met by St Peter. "Jeremy, welcome to heaven," said Peter. "You have been allowed here because of your contribution to English rugby and the British Lions." "Thanks and all that," replied Jeremy. "But I am only coming in as long as there are no Welsh . After what they did to me today, I never want to see a Welshman again." "Don't Worry about that, there are no Welshmen here come on in..." The first few days were the best of Jerry's life, he had modelling contracts galore and he got to watch re-runs of all his tries on a massive cinema screen. He was happy. Until one day, he was walking back from the cinema when he saw a golden field, with two golden "H's". In the middle of the field was a man with flowing hair, golden boots and the scarlet red jersey of Wales. Every kick sent the golden rugby ball clean between the posts.Jerry hurried back to St Peter, fuming. "Look!! You promised me there were no Welshmen here! What is that over there!!!" "Oh that, don't worry, Jerry. That's God - he just thinks he's Welsh!" Back to TopMid-Life Crises
Why don't rugby players have mid-life crises? Sports Shop
Lights Out A couple of fans were watching a rugby challenge cup match on a particularly dark and dismal afternoon. Neither team was on top form and the match had rapidly become boring and lifeless. Suddenly the stadium lights flickered and then went out, leaving the pitch in semi-darkness. It was impossible to continue and the match was quickly abandoned. 'Well!' said one fan to his neighbour. 'That's the first time I've ever known bad play stop light!' Back to TopHospital pass
Jonny & Becks
No Ears A rugby player was hurt very badly during a scrum and he had both of his ears ripped off. Since he was permanently disfigured, he decided to give up playing Rugby for good. His club and insurance company ensured that a large sum of money went his way. One day, he decided to invest his money in a small but growing sportswear business. He bought the company outright but after signing on the dotted line, realised that he knew nothing about business. He decided to employ someone to run the shop. The next day he set up three interviews. The first guy was great. He knew everything he needed to and was very enthusiastic. At the end of the interview, the former rugby player asked him, "Do you notice anything different about me?" And the man replied, "Why, yes, I couldn't help noticing you have no ears." The rugby player got angry and threw him out. The second interview was with a woman, and she was even better than the first guy. He asked her the same question, "Do you notice anything different about me?" She replied: "Well, you have no ears." He got upset again and showed her the door. The third and last interview was with the best of the three. He was a very young man fresh out of college. He was smart and handsome and seemed to know all about the sportswear business. The Rugby player was anxious, but went ahead and asked him the same question: "Do you notice anything different about me?" To his surprise the young man answered: "Yes, you wear contact lenses." The former rugby player was shocked, and said, "What an incredibly observant young man you are. How in the world did you know that?" The young man fell off his chair laughing hysterically and replied, "Well, it's pretty hard to wear glasses with no flipping ears." Back to TopThe Creation of Wales In the beginning, the lord God almighty turned to his best mate, the archangel Gabriel, and said: "Gabby, today I am going to create a beautiful part of the earth and I will call it Wales. I will make a country of breathtaking blue lakes, rich green forests and dark beautiful mountains. Which from time to time will be snow covered. I will give it clear, swift rivers, which will overflow with salmon and trout. The land shall be lush and fertile on which the people can raise cattle and grow their food, as well as being rich with precious metals and stones that will be sought after the world over. Underneath the land I shall lay rich seams of coal for the inhabitants to mine. Around the coast, I will make some of the most beautiful areas in the world. Golden sandy beaches and cliffs that will attract all manner of wildlife. With lots of islands that will be like a paradise to all who visit them. In the deep blue waters around the shores, there will be an abundance of sea life. The people who live there will be called the Welsh and will be the friendliest people on earth."
"Excuse me sir," interrupted the archangel Gabriel, "dont you think your being a bit
too generous to these Welsh?" Jeremy Guscott Jeremy Guscott was going to Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyndrobwyllandysylioggogogoch R.F.C. to speak at a gentlemen's evening. As he was driving up, he decided to learn how to say the rugby club's name and get a massive round of applause. As he arrived he called into a cafe, and said to the waitress "Can you tell me where I am, but speak very slowly?" The waitress, puckered up her lips and said "Burrrrr gerrrrrrr king" Back to TopNewcastle Falcons New Signing The Director of Rugby at Newcastle Falcons Rob Andrew took his team on an African safari holiday, and while there, he came across a native athlete who could run, kick, pass, and juggle a coconut like a born rugby player. Excitedly, Rob Andrew called a meeting of all the players and introduced the young athlete to them. "This fellow's brilliant!" he said, "and I've persuaded him to join the team, on a six months' trial. His name is Obongo Matabulu. Now then," he continued, holding up a rugby ball, "this - ball -BALL!" Then, pointing at the goalposts, he said, "That-goal - GOAL! That - goal line - GOAL LINE! You put BALL over GOAL LINE: or kick BALL over CROSSBAR." "You don't need to explain the game in those simple and rather patronising terms, old boy," said Obongo Matabulu. "I played for Harrow when I went to school there, and later for the Cambridge University." "I'm not talking to you," said Rob Andrew. "I'm talking to the rest of the team!" Back to TopScotish Celebration A bloke walks into a bar at Twickenham on international match day with a dachshund under his arm. The dog is wearing a Scotland rugby jersey and is festooned with Scotland pom-poms. The bartender says, "Hey! No pets are allowed! You'll have to leave." The guy begs him, "Look, I'm desperate! We're both big fans, the TV's broken at home, and this is the only place around where we can see the game." After securing a promise that the dog will behave, and warning him that he and the dog will be thrown out if there's any trouble, the bartender relents and allows them to stay in the bar and watch the game. The big game begins with the Scots receiving the kick-off. They march down field, get stopped at the 22, and kick a penalty goal. Suddenly, the dog jumps up on the bar and begins walking up and down the bar giving high-fives to everyone. The bartender says, "Wow, that is the most amazing thing I've seen! What does the dog do if they score a try?" The owner replies, "I don't know, I've only had him for three years." Back to TopAll Blacks Visit England A few years ago the All Blacks flew into London to play England. Just before the start of the game they found they only had fourteen players. England's captain, a perfect English gentleman - remember, this was a few years ago - came up to the Kiwi captain and said: "I hear you're a man short, old fruit; you're welcome to have one of our reserves." The Kiwi replied confidently: "No worries mate, we won't be a man down for long." Back to TopGuardian Angel The chairman of a Dublin Rugby club was retiring after many years of loyal service. At the dinner given in his honour by the club, the team captain, who had 'the drink taken', as they say in Ireland, rose to make his speech. 'It is said,' he began, 'that when a child is bom, its guardian angel gives it a kiss. If the kiss is on the hands, the child will become a musician or an artist. If the kiss is on the head, it will become a great thinker or scientist. If on the lips, it will grow up to be a singer or an actor. Now I don't know where our Charlie here was kissed, but he's certainly been a damn good chairman!' Back to TopThe Irish Press Two Irish boys are playing rugby when one of the boys is attacked by a rabid Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips a board off the nearby fence, wedges it down the dog's collar and twists, breaking the dog's neck. An Irish Times press reporter hears about the incident and rushes over to interview the boy. "Young Leinster Fan saves friend from vicious animal," he starts writing in his notebook. But I'm not a Leinster fan, the little hero replies. Sorry, since we are in Dublin I just assumed you were says the reporter, and he starts writing again. "Munster fan rescues friend from horrific attack", he jots down in his notebook. I'm not a Munster fan either, the boy responds. The reporter starts again: "Connaught supporter risks life in heroic rescue." But I'm not a Connaught fan either, says the boy. I assumed everyone in Ireland was either for Leinster, Munster or Connaught. What team do you root for? the reporter asked. I'm an Ulster fan, the boy says. The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes "Little terrorist Kills beloved Family Pet" Back to TopThe RFU Help Line The RFU as they like to be called have opened a helpline for there distraught supporters. The number to ring is 08700 one nothing, one nothing, one nothing. Back to TopHecklers
Rugby in Heaven Pensioners Mick and Will sitting on a park bench, and Mick says to Will: I hope there's rugby up in heaven, Will! Me too, says Will, cos I'll miss the rugby. Mick goes on to say: I tell you what Will, whoever dies first is to try and get a message back; Months later, Mick passes on, leaving Will to be sitting one day alone on the park bench, when all of a sudden Will hears his name being called: Will, Will, it's me Mick! Remember we spoke about if there was rugby in heaven, I've got good and bad news for you. What's that? says Will. Well, the good news is that there is rugby in heaven. Oh that's great news, but what's the bad news, Mick? Will, you're outside half on Saturday, says Mick. Back to Top> Expensive Video A Welsh rugby fan was walking through the streets of Cardiff when he sees a sale on at a video shop. When he stops to look he sees a video called Welsh Rugby The Golden Years. The guy enters the shop and asks how much the video costs. The shop owners replies, £300. The Welsh rugby fan replies,What! Im not paying £300 just for a video, the shop owners replies,No don't be silly, the video is £5 the Beta-Max video player is £295!! Back to TopSpot the Difference
Heaven vrs Hell Hours after the end of the world, a border dispute emerged between heaven and hell. God invited the devil for conversations to find a way to resolve this dispute quickly. Satan, the devil, proposed a rugby match between heaven and earth. God, always fair, told the devil, 'The heat must be affecting your brain, the game would be so one sided, don't you know all the "good" players go to heaven?" The devil, smiling, responded "Yeah, but we've got all the refs'..." Back to TopBack from the match Ianto and Dewi went to an important rugby match at Cardiff. When the match finished they realised that they had just missed the last bus back to Pontypridd. They saw the bus depot and Ianto decided to steal a bus and drive them home. Dewi acted as lookout. He could hear all sorts of noises coming from the depot. He heard Ianto start a bus, and then a crash. Then he heard another bus start and another crash. Then another. After half an hour Ianto drove out of the depot in a bus that was covered in dents. “What have you been doing?” asked Dewi. Ianto answered, “The trouble was that the bus to Pontypridd was right up the back.” Back to TopIrelands Playing a Blinder
World Cup Pre-Match Rituals Seeing as how the All Blacks heighten their motivation by performing "The Haka" before their world cup games, the other nations were asked to suggest appropriate pre-match rituals of their own. The Scottish team will chant "You lookin' at me Jimmy?" before smashing an Irn Bru bottle over their opponent's heads. The Irish team will spilt into two, with the Southern half performing a Riverdance, while the Northerners march the Traditional Route from their dressing room to the pitch, via the Southern Half's dressing room. The Argentineans will unexpectedly invade a small part of opposition territory, claim it as their own "Las In-Goals-Areas" and then be forcibly removed by the Stewards. Two members of the South African team will claim to be more important than the other thirteen whom they will coral between the posts whilst they claim the rest of the pitch for themselves. The Americans will not be there until half time. In future years they will alter the records to show that the game only began at half time and that they were in fact the most important team in the tournament. Hollywood will make a film called "Saving No8 Lyle". Five of the Canadian team will sing La Marsaillaise and hold the rest of the side to ransom. The Italian team will arrive in red sports cars, chat-up the female stewards and then run away. The Spanish will sneak into the other half of the pitch, mow it and then claim that it was all in line with the European "grass quotas". They will then curl up under the posts and have a kip until half time. The Japanese will attempt to strengthen their team by offering good salaries to the key opposition players (over 35) and then run around the pitch at high speed in a highly efficient manner before buying the ground (with a subsidy from the UK Government). The French will declare they have new scientific evidence that the opposition are in fact all infected with BSE. They will then park lorries across the halfway line, let sheep lose in the opposition half and burn the officials. Unfortunately the Welsh suggestion has been vetoed by the RSPCA. The Australians will have a barbie before negotiating lucrative singing and TV contracts in the UK. They will then invite their mates to come and live with them in Shepherds Bush before beating up all the women on the touchline. The English team will chat about the weather, wave hankies in the air and attach bells to their ankles for a while before moaning about how they invented the game, and gave it to the world, and how it's not fair that everyone can beat them at it now. Back to TopBad Injury
A man went to the doctor one day and said: The Pope and the Shark On a tour of Wales, the Pope took a couple of days off his Itinerary to visit the West coast near Aberystwyth on an impromptu sightseeing trip. His 4X4 Popemobile was driving along the golden sands when there was an enormous commotion heard just off the headland. They rushed to see what it was and upon approaching the scene the Pope noticed just outside the surf, a hapless man wearing an English Rugby jersey, struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a twenty foot shark. At that moment a speedboat containing three men wearing Welsh Rugby Shirts roared into view from around the point. Spontaneously, one of the men took aim and fired a harpoon into the shark's ribs, immobilising it instantly. The other two reached out and pulled the Englishman from the water and then, using long clubs, beat the shark to death. They bundled the bleeding, semi conscious man into the speed boat along with the dead shark and then prepared for a hasty retreat, when they heard frantic shouting from the shore. It was of course the Pope, and he summoned them to the beach. Upon them reaching the shore the Pope went into raptures about the rescue and said, "I give you my blessing for your brave actions. I had heard that there were some racist xenophobic people trying to divide Wales and England, but now I have seen with my own eyes this is not true. I can see that your society is a truly enlightened example of racial harmony and could serve as a model on which other nations could follow. "He blessed them all and drove off in a cloud of dust. As he departed, the harpoonist asked the others, "Who was that???!" "That," one answered, "was his Holiness the Pope. He is in direct contact with God and has access to all God's wisdom."
"Well," the harpoonist replied, "he knows nowt about shark hunting. Goose The Welsh team is playing England and just before kick-off Shane Howarth slips, pulls a muscle and can’t play. Henry is so desperate as there aren't any other full backs in Wales and is forced to play a goose (it’s OK, it's got Welsh grandparents). Rather surprisingly the goose has a brilliant first half. One minute it's clearing off its own line and making cover tackles, the next it’s joined the line linking up perfectly with the backs. At half time GH is very pleased and everyone runs back onto the pitch for the second half. On the way the ref starts chatting with the goose. "Great first half goose, you must be really fit". "Thanks", replied the goose, "I try to keep myself fit but its difficult finding the time so I try to do an hour in the gym each morning before work". "What do you do then?" asked the ref. "I'm a chartered accountant" replies the goose. At which point the ref immediately brandishes the red card and sends the goose off. The bemused team mates gather round the ref and start complaining. "Sorry lads", says the ref, "I had no choice. Professional fowl". Back to TopThe o2 on Englands Shirt
Scotlands Training Matt Williams the Scottish Rugby Coach takes his national team out for training and tells everyone to assume their normal position. So they all go and stand behind the goalposts and wait for the conversion. Back to TopSnow White Snow White returned to the cottage to find it had burned down. Distraught, she searches for the dwarfs in the forest and hears a lone voice chanting: " Wales for the World Cup, Wales for the World Cup, Wales for the World Cup." On hearing this, Snow White gave a little sigh of relief as she knew that at least Dopey was safe! Back to Top
Scotlands Hands! In 1985 3 kids were playing in a street in Edinburgh when they were hit by a lorry. They all go to heaven and God says to them, "You weren't supposed to die, you were all supposed to live out your lives. This was not your time. To make it up to you, I'll let you choose what you want to do with your life. Take a running jump off of that cloud over there, and as you're flying back down to Earth, shout out what you want to do. And so it shall be." The 1st kid takes a running leap and shouts "Lawyer" and so, 20 years later, he is a very successful lawyer, making lots of money, with an upcoming appointment to the Bench. The 2nd kid takes his turn and shouts "brain surgeon" and so, 20 years later, he is the most admired man in his field of medicine and making a ton of money saving lives. The 3rd kid takes his turn, and as he runs he trips over his own feet and stumbles off the cloud muttering "stupid clumsy twit." 20 years later, he's playing in the back line for Scotland. Back to TopIreland vrs England
Ireland are playing England, and after the half-time whistle blew they "What!!!!" says a furious Eddie O'Sullivan, "How did you let them get three points??!" BOD replies apologetically, "I was sent off with 20 minutes to go Back to TopDead Irishman
Did you hear about the Irish rugby player who was found dead outside
Referee
A rugby referee died and went to heaven. Stopped by St Peter at the gates
"Well," said the ref, "I was reffing a game between Wasps and
"OK, that was fairly brave of you, but I will have to check it in the book." The ref looked at his watch and replied "45 seconds ago." Back to TopJonny Wilkinson
Martin Johnson, Richard Hill and Johnny Wilkinson are standing before A New English Supporter
"An Australian family of rugby supporters head out one Saturday to
His sister is outraged by this and promptly whacks him round the head and
The father is outraged and promptly whacks his son around the head and says
About half an hour later they're all back in the car and heading toward The son says, "Yes dad I have." "Good son, what is it?"
The son replies, "I've only been an England supporter for an hour |
